Lump In My Throat

I heard the sounds of doctors, nurses, and loud elevator creeks as they pushed me into a room. No outside views, no plants, just floppy, hallway doors with tiny, crystal clear windows. I was enclosed, trapped, I could not escape. I could not walk out on all this because of my fear, because I was petrified of what was yet to come.

The room was so small, but with so many people.  It looked like a crowd at a concert waiting for their superstar. It looked like the city of Singapore; with the tall buildings all on a small island. It looked like a fingerprint that had been magnified to see all the little details. The crowd only made me feel more squished, circled, trapped. I was surrounded by suffocating air. It made me even more terrified of what was coming.

“I don’t want to do it,” I cried to my mom. In the distance, I heard the sound of ambulance sirens. At that moment, I got a huge lump in my throat, I was so scared.

“It will be okay. You don’t have to be scared.”

As I calmed down, they lowered the mask onto my face. I breathed in and out, in and out. As my eyes got droopy, I drifted off to sleep. Before I went though I heard my mom say, “Honey, I’ll be in the recovery room for you when you wake up. I love you!”

Dazed I woke to the sound of doctors and nurses scrambling around. I layed there, daydreaming to see if I could remember the surgery.

“Where are you, Mom?”

“ I’m right here, you’re okay.” I looked around, the concert had ended, the buildings had been torn down, the microscope had zoomed out.

I squeezed Fluffy close to my heart then nuzzled her at my face. She has been there for me since I was 8, my little duckie, lovey Fluffy was all I needed at that moment. While I hugged and kissed Fluffy, I was struck with the realization that I had conquered my fear. We did it Fluffy! We made it through together! We both conquered our fear together, I thought to myself. I trust my mom, she would only do the best for my safety and health, and for your’s too, Fluffy.  I wanted to cry, but instead, I squeezed Fluffy as I tight as I could without hurting myself. I faced my fears! I actually did it! . When I was afraid to go on a high rope course, my sister walked me through it, and it helped me overcome my fear of falling. When I was afraid to stand on a horizontal piece of glass on the 50+ floor, my dad assured me it was safe, and gave me a little nudge to help me overcome my fear of extreme heights. Lastly, when I was afraid to put food in the oven, my mom talked to me about it and told me that if you wear oven mitts and be careful, you wouldn’t get hurt. I smiled softly. I had already known that I could do it. I had always known that it was true.  It’s proven. I can conquer my fears.